And so, this was what happened. All these are for records sake. not any to pull myself or whosoever involved, down either.

Hi lolita, well, i honestly do not know how to begin... but i will anyway. i dont want a repeat of ____ incident where we kinda drift apart so before it happens to you and me, i will break the silence. yes i do know of what is going on between you and ____. those of us around you know. Some ____ alr know. and whil i must say that i am really not for this idea cause of the many negative implications that will follow, i will still support you as an individual from behind. i must however, warn you of the implications. you two will be seen as hyprocrites,your junior clts might end up losing respect for you batch cause it is seen as a "forbidden relationship" but if ____ really has no boundaries and choose to strike anytime, who are we to say that this thing between you and ___ is forbidden, right? i just hope you think through this very carefully and when you do, do at least just inform us close to you about this relationship and why you feel its fine. at the end of the day, as reluctant as we are after seeing a repeat of the ___ and ___ episode, we really do not want to see you end up hurt... but you are old enough so if you really think that is the way to go, we will support you. i thought of keeping silent and not saying anything. I was mad, very mad. the extent i was mad was till i actually dreamt on a few occasions abt this incident. in one of my dreams, we were sitting tgt at JK as your reveal this to all of us and i rmb feeling fine by the end of it. To wake up knowing it was just a dream and that is still hidden, it was sucky. Really. We all just feel very worried for you. I thought of just ignoring ___ completely cause i felt hurt by you and ____. After helping you two thru, suddenly you two pull this none of us understood. Especially ____ whose actions we still cannot comprehend till today. But that aside, now come ____ and all your ____ and we really dont want you to feel bothered and boggled down. So rmb we are still there for you and will always support you no matter whatever the outcome is. Heads up and all the best in your upcoming event. Just rmb to be transparent with me abt such major things. Yes you know i will get mad, but at least we work things tgt like how it was all ____ and _____ . You know at the end of the day, i care. Maybe tts why i've been so emo and distant these past 3 weeks. Cause of this. Oh well... Now that this is outta my chest, you take care and see you soon. Keep striving. ;)

We dont keep the other party guessing and hearing from others when issues like this are concerned. Exactly what ___ did that made us so mad at ____ at one point of time. Its not that we want to intrude into ____, but if its done at the expense of something else then yes, at least we can all talk it thru and come to a common consensus tgt.

We all found out bit by bit. Many of us knew alr. ____ knows, ____ knows... I knew... Your ____ knew. We all had one common question, what the hell is happening? they fought so hard for their ___ to be tgt and if this ever gets leaked out with either you or ____ still in ______, the realities will hit you guys hard. we all told ourselves to wait till after _____ was over but... truth is, all of us are bothered so much by it that there was one point of time we all got so affected. ____ seems so far away, too far to continue these pondering questions in us. why did lolita pursue this despite all that happened between ____ and u guys in march?

As for you and ___, ___ has a huge part in this. If you guys continue, your juniors are never gonna see you in the same light again. The ___ voiced it up.

Others tell me this: Let lolita go thru this. If it succeeds, good. If he falls, she learns the hard way. But Lolita, I am not willing to see you fall. By then it would be too late. Its not that I want to interfere in your life and what you do. But if i see those i care about pursuing something that is of potential harm to them, you know im not gonna just sit around hoping they would eventually snap out of it. This... is something i think you might potentially fall from. So hard its gonna affect you in all other aspects of life after that. And you really do not want such a thing to happen in your most impt year of poly.

i guess yes, and for me, I dont want to give solutions for I'm afraid that that solution, you would just follow blindly and regret later.in another words, not wanting to interfere uh, just advices to you guys, would be sufficient for now.

it was not easy really to actually start talking to you about this knowing i could have crafted something very "heart piercing" for you to read

to say all these... but just know, its cause we care for both of you

before i say anything, allow me to say that it varies across everyone, so it might or might not be the same 1. awkwardness in front of your batchmates/friends that doesn't know about this r/s, like must behave as friends if they dont know and have to like somehow undercover uh and be normal friends might be hard as a start, but can be done

2. going out on a date, is tough, as you would think of avoiding any ______ in seeing you both together going out

3. juggling friends and 'in-a-relationship' relation from time to time I think that;s all that I can think of now

Being in your position, I guess its normal to be stressed. I guess, as much as your mind doesn't want to do things coz of the advices you've heard and all, your heart will tell you the right one. cheesy as it may be, but its true for most.

Now, my thoughts:

I was really hoping you could trust us in handling this. Be it having who to know or whatsoever. I had my reasons for telling only a certain few people. I dont really ask for any guessing or anything cause i believe this could jsut be amongst ourselves. No one else needs to know, at least from my POV, needs to know it just yet. I had planned to tell you all, and i only felt the trust from a handful. I know im in the wrong. cause i know what answers i would expect should i tell anyone others than those whom i have told to. I reflected, mistakes on my part, now i know how it feels like to be in it. And i am grateful that they are still willing to forgive me and give me support when i need it. The respect level was like thru the roof. I really had my reasons for my actions. but since this has to come, i guess it needs to be addressed?

I know it's on my part that i didnt think abt the ppl ard me, esp my juniors. But all i need now is support. I believe anything bad can be turned around to do good. As long as you believe. May sound impossible, too optimistic, whatever. Robbers may steal for their families. Now i understand his/her actions and thoughts only when im in it. I am terribly sorry for not having empathy when it happened for you. All i hope for now is to garner strength. Lots of strength. Plenty of strength. Strength which can cause tsunami. and .... Trust. I will do what i need to do...

Signing off~ :)

An overflow of good converts to bad. - William Shakespeare

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. - William Shakespeare

It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. -Confucius

If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself. - Confucius